Thursday, 25 October 2012

The Parthian Look



Any artist who becomes a doctor, or vice-versa, is bound to feel a degree of ambivalence on looking back on his or her career from time to time and wondering: “What if…?”  And it’s true that when I look at the advances in every aspect of medical science that have appeared thick and fast during the 50 years since I began my studies, and when I notice the fabulous resources now available in electronic form on the iPad and on the internet, my feeling is one of intense envy of contemporary medical students.  It would be so good to go back to the age of 17 or 18 and start again, only this time I would pay far more attention!

Still.  As a newly-qualified doctor, I may have been a little bit lacking in book-learning and no doubt I had the regrettable tendency of youth to give scant respect to authority, but I’d been taught good clinical skills, and once I had the responsibilities it turned out I had the Scottish work ethic in spades.

A 24-hour receiving period might involve admitting a dozen or twenty patients to the internal medicine or surgical ward.  As well as admissions, there were routine duties in looking after a couple of hundred patients as the sole doctor on duty in the hospital, and dealing with whatever emergency situations cropped up.  Oh, and Casualty to look after.  Much of this was in reality unsupervised, although I did have the telephone number of a consultant, and if things got really difficult I could call in someone a year or two more senior than myself.

There were two saving graces to this fragile arrangement.  The first was that I learned very quickly to pay attention to the nursing staff.  The experienced staff-nurse who could drop respectful hints about whether or not to admit an apparently minor head-injury, without infringing the strict rules of the doctor/nurse hierarchy of those days.  It was always worthwhile to read their body language too, when making a decision.  In those days, decisions really were agonising, since one never had enough knowledge and only a tiny amount of experience on which to base decision-making, and there was rarely the kind of training and educational network which clinicians these days rightly insist are absolutely essential for trainees.  Should I admit the patient or allow them to go home?  Discharge from the clinic or come back in 6 weeks – hopefully to see someone else?  How am I going to tell a 30-year old woman that her husband has just died of a heart attack, when I currently have the emotional maturity of a new kitten?

The second safety-net was to deploy one’s powers of observation very carefully, and day-by-day to develop them through constant practice.  To examine the patient, to go away and think about the overall picture, to strive for perspective, to go back and try to calibrate what you saw and felt and heard against how the patient’s condition was changing or even against some nascent intuitive feeling that things were not as they seemed.

Clinical skills, then, firstly involved reviewing the patient’s entire medical record, if one was available, followed by taking a full medical history at the bedside, direct from the individual.  Every bodily system has a series of questions which need answering, negatives being as important as positives, and a particularly salient point in those days was that the medical history was taken by the junior doctor, who then took responsibility for communicating relevant facts and information to the rest of the clinical team.  That was a kind of ownership which led directly to a deep sense of responsibility as well as providing a foundation for good teamwork.

Following history taking, the patient was examined minutely and systematically.  Musculo-skeletal system, cardio-vascular system, respiratory system, neurological systems including an examination of the cranial nerves and looking through an ophthalmoscope at the retinal fundi.  In those days we never ommitted a rectal examination;  to miss a palpable tumour in the rectum or reproductive system would have been unforgiveable by oneself, one’s colleagues and, worst of all, by one’s patient.

The clinical examination skills were particularly interesting to me.  To practice obervational skills and become able to see things with every-increasing clarity, to be alert to common or unusual abnormalities while gaining an understanding of normal variations, these were aspects which required constant attention.  Auscultation of the praecordium:  that means listening to the heart by placing the stethoscope-bell at a series of prescribed positions on the patient’s chest, and listening intently throughout the cardiac cycle for normal and abnormal sounds as the valves open and close and blood jets from one heart-chamber to another or from the heart to the aorta or pulmonary artery.  The skill of auscultation has a particular attraction for anyone with a deep interest in music, for it demands an ability to hear events in detail, and to remember them with such clarity that they can be thought about and re-examined in the mind over and over again.  In this way the physician extracts the maximum possible information and relevant meaning from observations which depend on the senses of vision, hearing and touch. 

Even the sense of smell shouldn’t be ignored;  on one occasion I actually saved a young woman’s life by sending a blood sample for plasma glucose estimation, having been alerted by her peculiar smell to the fact that her unconsciousness was not necessarily attributable to a drug overdose as everyone involved had presumed, but to a metabolic disorder, which ultimately was shown to have been caused by pituitary failure – Sheehan’s Syndrome.  However this event may be viewed, it was certainly a matter of a junior member of the clinical team being alert to the actual reality as opposed to heeding what his more senior colleagues were telling him!  Once I’d taken an excited telephone call from the laboratory about “the lowest blood glucose I’ve seen in 40 years!!”, it was a matter of finding a fat glass ampoule of concentrated sugar, persuading it into a syringe, and waking the girl up within minutes of its injection into a vein.  Damn, lucky for her I didn’t go to art school!


© Donnie Ross 2012

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

!Leonardo Mind for Modern Times, by Donnie Ross


!Leonardo Mind for Modern Times, by Donnie Ross
Downloadable from the Apple iBookstore FREE!

http://itunes.apple.com/book/id541725141?mt=11








The definitive Atlas of Facial Expressions from Aardvark to Zebra, the acoustic design of car-door slamming, musico-erotic compositions for cello, these peculiar topics lead the reader into the first Findo Gask Mystery.  A fierce bronze Greek gynecoid is dredged from the sea in a fisherman’s net off northern Scotland, while a plot is hatched to displace the quasi-assassinated  Holy Emperor Tony Blair from his niche as a cryochilled presentation to future generations, but what on earth is happening in the University of Aberdeen’s Department of Anthropomimetic Genetics?  Never mind that, who is this Memus44, who spends the last ice age in quite a well-known cave in the Cairngorm Mountains, polishing his mind and emerging from time to time to make sure culture triumphs but Findo Gask doesn’t?

The first Findo Gask Mystery in the Trilogy can hardly be expected to solve the entire mystery, but it might be fun to find out just how far !Leonardo Mind for Modern Times might succeed in answering all these questions, as a series of apparently unconnected preliminary short stories covering a wide range of human experience finally coalesces into an extraordinary postmodern interactive sci-fi novel, building to a powerful climax before falling apart into glittering fragments.  Expect cave ravens, masses of medical detail, excruciating jokes, non sequiturs, invented languages, philosophical posturing, a treatise on sculpture in Plato, erotic encounters of half a dozen kinds.

Illustrated with videos, drawings and paintings by the author, this chaotic book has several underlying intentions - but a sense of humour is essential.  And, if you can find it, a copy of the Atlas of Facial Expressions from Aardvark to Zebra.



Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Sensations of Sfumaturia





Sensations of Sfumaturia

Thanks, sez Professor Coco, my lecture went OK, although there wasn’t a standing ovation as you kindly suggested might have been appropriate, not even so much as a semi-recumbent ovulation eventuated going forward, or indeed sideways.  We were not downhearted though as it was a very interesting session and a lot of good people avec whom to spik.  Fuck this autocorrection, it seems to have no sensations of sfumaturia.

There was as ever a minor problem of inaudibilibinousness, but it was as ever easily solved by the multidudes, by vertu of ignoring 20% VAT vas I saying and schliding semisubconscioussubversibly into the Vatters von Lethe. No mutter, it was the same for all, especiously the very highly academic people who actually read (pron. red) their Abstrouce Pieces, no B minor matter they being full of big words etk to busting.

The next big thing, as Coco further animadvertisses, is iBooks Author.  By the swift agency of this Soft Ware Programmmme, an averagely renaissanslynonensological Person can throw together Elements from Texte, Imauges, Drawinges, Soulefulle Pomes, Scabrous Scatirical Scetches, Musickall Utterances & Ejaculations,  Videos Nasty & Nice and so on and so Forth Salve et Valley not excluding Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Bile, Phlegm, wo!evah into a single integrated UrMegaBlisteringFabbyUberkunsteWerke. The Productio of such Konzepzione then being Promulgated and haemodynamically Bruited Abroad via iBooks upon such PlattteForms as iPad, iPhone & iJimmyChoos.

But now we must off the better furtae celebrate the inconcarnetenation of occasions such as the Turing Centenary, the Epoch of Leopold Bloom, the Craze for Ziggy Stardust, the Siciliani Desperati, the Resuscitation of Enoch BadBadBadBad-Powell and the iPlayer Compendium of the Archers (not).  Coco and I say nothing about footeball, we merely wish most heartily that it woulde cease and desist, preferablie forthwith.

© Donnie Ross 2012

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Death and the Piano, Unfinished


Only looking back can one see the old folks or rather as they were then the young folks of 33 and 36 respectively having taken over the pavilions as their new home, only now can one begin to pin down the family dynamic and get to grips with the misunderstandings, the difficulties, the irritations and frustrations which then were to me either obscure or frighteningly intense, the harbinger perhaps of an unknown fate, stressful anxiety oozing up out of those past layers, only now can I meet it with equanimity.  There was love there.  My parents did get on well together at that time.  And their time was short – 1942 to 1976, thirty-four years.  Hardly enough, not enough time to get to know each other well.

The photographs are always of women and children, families and children.  At the beach, on the farm, at the harbour and on Sunday school picnics.  Kids everywhere, having fun.

By bus to Fraserburgh.  Smell of diesel, engine-sounds.  Dad’s pulmonary TB, cystitis, dermatitis – I seem to know them like the back of my hand.  Before I was born.

The power and the glory of electronic music or music sounding like classical music only generated through notes written in standard fashion on a computer, going somewhere.

With tertiary neurosyphilis, aka general paralysis of the insane, the old guy was an absolute treasure trove of clinical signs.  I didn’t have a lot of spare time as a junior doc, but whenever I could I would go to Mr. Spottiswood’s bedside, lean on the patient-retaining bars and gaze at his unequal pupils, listen to his jagged, paranoid conversation, test his slow tendon reflexes and examine his cranial nerves.   An enormous tuning fork forms part of the toolkit when examining the central nervous system.  Give it a bong and plonk the end on someone’s shin, and mostly people will feel the vibration;  not Mr. Spottiswood, though.  Meanwhile he would be muttering on about the Kenyan Indians who had escaped from persecution to persecute himself;  this was quite amusing for me at the time, since my senior-doctor-in-a-striped-suit was a Kenyan Indian.  Syphilis, the great imitator:  lurking behind all the scenarios of potential diagnoses, the pale-as-death treponema pallidum strikes again and again, constantly changing, presenting new and confusing symptoms and signs for both doctor and patient.  The latter, of course, is utterly fucked.  The wages of sin, God’s answer to three minutes in the garden of earthly delights, take that, Schubert!  And the hundreds of thousands of you others we’ve never heard of, consigned by the wrath of God to a lingering necrotic gummatous decline which only Hieronymus Bosch comes close to adumbrating…

Playing through the first page of the Ravel piece, Pavane pour une infante defunte, it became apparent that each line, each phrase, could be perfected to a much higher degree through attending to expression, aftertouch, emphasis, volume, timing, phrasing.  Each bar would need to be practiced over and over again until the fullest possible potential from the music can be extracted.  But then, within each bar, all the notes, the individual little passages linking from one to another, these also need practicing.  Soon, I find weeks are passing while I work on the first note of the Pavane.

And so, Schubert.  The signs of neurosyphilis, in order of decreasing frequency, include:
                Hyporeflexia - 50%
                Sensory impairment (eg, decreased proprioception, loss of vibratory sense) - 48%
                Pupillary changes (anisocoria, Argyll Robertson pupils) - 43%
                Cranial neuropathy - 36%
                Dementia, mania, or paranoia - 35%
                Romberg sign - 24%
                Charcot joint - 13%
                Hypotonia - 10%
                Optic atrophy 7%
Neurosyphilis is divided into 2 general categories: (1) early involvement of the CNS limited to the meninges and (2) parenchymal involvement. The 6 groups comprise:
                Asymptomatic
                Acute syphilitic meningitis
                Meningovascular (arteritic) syphilis
                Tabes dorsalis (parenchymal)
                General paresis of the insane
                Optic atrophy
These syndromes overlap into combined forms. Early neurosyphilis affects mesodermal structures, whereas late neurosyphilis affects the brain and spinal cord parenchyma.
I close up the piano and head for the refrigerator.
© Donnie Ross 2012

Friday, 2 March 2012

Audio Technik


It had been five years since Rob had left Aberdeen in a blaze of excitement over his new job. Newly qualified with an honours degree in engineering, he’d found an opportunity at the Audi factory in Ingolstadt which perfectly combined the precision of his technical abilities with the intuitive acuity of his musical sense. He was fascinated by the preternatural levels of perfection demanded by the German firm, and after the two-month induction period was behind him, he had asked to be seconded to the physico-acoustic design project. Here Rob rapidly become known as der Autoschlammenakoustikomensch – the man who could be relied upon to come up with ever new variations on the sound made by closing the door of a beautiful car.

During the next few years he rarely thought about Melanie, the girl he’d rather cruelly left behind without much of a farewell.  Der Autoschlammenakousticomensch invented a profusion, a veritable family of door-slam sounds, ranging from “Pfrokk” (for the electric-diesel hybrid) to “Sttchmpppff” – not too staccato, but crisp, authoritative and memorable – for the top-of-the range A9 Sport Quattro.
Finally the new range was produced, and naturally Rob was invited to the Berlin launch. His door-slam sounds were everywhere, and he was famous. Beautiful girls reclined on flawless metallic car-bonnets, their bronzed skins scarcely more wonderfully attractive than those of the automobiles they were promoting; celebrities glittered under a galaxy of lights, losing all dignity in the scrabble to be associated with these ultimate success symbols purveyed by the most technically advanced firm in the world. “Sttchmpppff – fPPnnk – Vvfrkk” ….. for those who had ears to hear, and there were many, a new sonic ontology was being born. Even the Berlin Philharmonic could not compete with Rob’s abbreviated but expressive contribution to this innovative world of Beethoven-in-motion, and to a man they put down their Stradivarii and Guarnerii, the better to hear these wonderful sounds.
It was something of an anticlimax when Rob returned to his native city, but his boss had insisted he needed rest and relaxation after so prolonged a period of concentration. So it was that Rob found himself one September evening strolling back through Old Aberdeen to his parents’ house in the Chanonry district, not far from the ancient University. Taking a short cut, he was attracted by the noise of what was evidently a very successful party – a not uncommon event in that part of the town where students were concentrated.
As he passed the garden gate, a young woman came out of the back door, lighting a cigarette.
“Melanie?” Rob cried. “Hello – how are you? Long time no see!”
Her reaction was not pleasant. Flushing angrily, she carefully put her glass of wine on the garden wall. Melanie took a long pull on her cigarette while staring straight into Rob’s face, and then, without a word, strode back into the house. The door slammed violently.
“KeKKKKRNCCCCH!!!”
Rob had never heard anything more beautiful.

© Donnie Ross 2012
This story first appeared in Anneke Klein's Rammenas Flash Fiction

Friday, 17 February 2012

Dummy



It had taken Richard months to get hold of precisely the right kind of tailor’s model.  There were so many to choose from, articulated, semi-articulated, ethnic, short, tall, thin or very thin.  Finally, after prolonged negotiations on the maker’s website and with his bank’s overseas department, Euridice had arrived, extremely well packaged in an excitingly large cardboard box, with efficient German documentation in a transparent pochette stuck to the upper side of her stout container, flanked by This Way Up Bitte! and Fragile!!!

After a few weeks of what Richard came to call The Grand Charade, he realised it was taking far too long every morning to get Euridice prepared in her elaborate dress, complete with long blonde wig, painstaking makeup, Ferlinghetti shoes and French stockings.  So he took to wheeling her out in a tatty old dressing-gown at coffee time, just before Anna was due to pass by.  Every day the same scene, Anna walking along on the other side of the road, with barely a covert glance, pretending complete indifference as always.

Until today.  Richard was good with gait-analysis – after all, that had been his Honours PhD subject – and he knew immediately that his strategy was beginning to work.  Anna’s stride was shorter, more uncertain, maybe a little annoyed.  Two paces more along the street, and there could be no doubt.  Anna was powerfully, extraordinarily angry.  Success!  … but perhaps, he reflected, today would have been a good day for one of his carefully calculated periodic absences from this little mise-en-scène?  After all, even if Euridice couldn’t walk or talk, she was quite engaging company, especially when she was in the mood to model lingerie upstairs….

Anna crossed the street towards him, and he was able to read her face now, rather than merely the language of her stride.  As she pulled the 9mm Mauser automatic from her handbag, through the chaotic veil of emotions he could see her intentions with crystal clarity:  a spectrum from jealousy to white-hot anger, and, as Richard discerned too late but with urgent intensity, murder and imminent death.  Suddenly he understood which of them he loved more.

The gun spoke.  Three brief, imperious, barking commands:  Die – Die – Die!

Euridice toppled backwards, limbs akimbo on the gravel.

“Darling!”  he murmured.

© Donnie Ross 2011
This story first published in Anneke Klein's Rammenas Flash Fiction 2011

Air on a G-String



Going down the steps to the basement flat, Gary was thinking about his Atlas of Facial Expressions, from Aardvark to Zebra – and considering how far he’d travelled from the early days of his limited lower-lip concept of canine semiotics to the full complex of muzzle – eye – ear - stance systematic theory now generally accepted as being universally applicable to mammals.

As Gary crossed the path through the small sunken garden, he could hear the distinctive sounds of a familiar cello piece, the long, sonorous, rhythmical notes plangent and beautiful. 

Approaching Gwynneth’s door, he realised to his astonishment that his composition had acquired lyrics – or rather, that someone was singing wordlessly but passionately, underscored by his music, which now seemed to take new life and meaning from the song.  She had made very rapid progress with his piece, that was certain; and yet the frantic intensity of her performance was oddly unsettling.

As usual, the door was unlatched, and he crossed the hall quietly and entered the music room without knocking, to avoid disturbing the performance.

Although Gwynneth was looking straight at him, from her face it was unclear whether she was actually seeing him.  His initial reflex was naturally to observe and analyse her facial expressions scientifically, but after a moment it struck Gary that he’d never thought a woman could play the cello in that position.  At the same time he was impressed and rather flattered that his own work could be used in such a sophisticated way.

After a while, Gwynneth stopped singing, put down her bow and unstraddled the instrument, examining the strings and bridge carefuly to make sure they had not suffered structural damage from the unusual stresses to which they had been exposed.

“Hello, Gary,” she said, her voice still husky from the exercise, “I didn’t see you come in.”

“That’s coming on rather well,” he said.

Gwynneth smiled.  “I’m looking forward to your next composition,”  she said.

“Nearly finished!” Gary replied,  “It’s another solo piece.”

Her face was flushed, eager, the eyes sparkling, lips slightly parted.

“Cello?”

Gary thought for a moment, looking deep into her mind and feeling bonded with her as never before.  He smiled.

“Trombone, actually.”

Gwynneth’s laughter was as pleasureable as her singing.  “Maybe you’d like to hear me play your piece one more time?” she said.

It wasn’t easy, next day, to fit the cello into Gary’s car, but it was going to need quite a lot of repair.

© Donnie Ross 2011
This story was first published in Anneke Klein's Rammenas Flash Fiction in 2011